Adamantine
by imperialmark
Summary: Following a crushing defeat, Ash and Charizard finally come to blows.


**A/N:** A different take on Ash's appeal to Charizard for obedience, and the start of an attempt to deal with the elephant in the room: Charizard's obvious baggage. Ash has a lot on his plate, but he's doing his best.

Comments/reviews are always appreciated!

* * *

Charizard's killer strategy — "use Flamethrower indiscriminately until I win" — was getting old fast, largely because the _win_ was almost never actually achieved. Instead, despite Charizard's undeniable position as a powerhouse, Ash saw more losses than victories when using him, and he was getting tired of having to swallow his humiliation and accept the blame because the stubborn fire type refused to even _consider_ listening to him.

The battle against that rookie trainer and her nidorino _should_ have been the easiest battle of their lives; Charizard's disobedience ensured that it was anything but. Worse than the discomfiture of losing, though, was Charizard's refusal to accept the blame for his part in it — when confronted, he adamantly rejected the idea that _his_ behaviour was an issue, coughed smoke in his trainer's direction and turned away, grumbling about how it was all Ash's fault.

And Ash, perhaps a tad formulaically, exploded. He couldn't help it — he was seething with ten defeats' worth of frustration and this, it seemed, was the tipping point.

"All _my_ fault? It's all _your_ fault!" Ash stomped round to jab an accusatory finger in Charizard's face. "You _never_ listen! Even when I'm _right,_ you refuse to give me anything! You don't trust me, don't respect me… you treat me worse than your old trainer!"

Charizard roared wordlessly, inches from Ash, but the boy stood his ground. "No, no, you don't get to argue this! I know I'm not perfect— I can't do _everything—_ but I'm learning! I'm trying my best! And everyone else believes in me because I believe in them!" Locution thrown to the wind, he teetered on the edge of incoherency, clarity abandoned for feeling. "But _you!_ How are we meant to do anything if you won't listen to me? I took you in, I tried to help you, I trained you right up to this from a little charmander and all you do is _ignore_ me!"

" _Selfish!"_ Charizard snarled by way of retaliation; Ash burned bright and hot, bubbling with rage.

"Selfish? _I'm_ selfish? Y- _YOU'RE_ selfish! You've cost us so many battles! Remember the Indigo League, huh? _Do you?"_ To his credit, Charizard looked vaguely guilty, but Ash kept pushing. "Or before that? What about Blaine's rhyhorn? Or before that, when you didn't listen to me and got attacked by that aerodactyl? Or before _that,_ with the paras—"

" _STOP IT!"_ Ash's words cut deep like knives, feral and vicious and _too much,_ like he was too far gone to care. (He was; people had mocked him over Charizard's disobedience since he was a charmeleon, and Ash was sick of the taunting.)

 _How are you gonna be a Pokémon Master when your charizard won't even listen to you? How are you gonna get anywhere if your own pokémon don't respect you enough to pay any attention to you?_

They were right. Oh, he _knew_ they were right, and it _infuriated_ him. Any cooperation Charizard afforded him was precarious, scarce and liable to be withdrawn at any critical moment — nothing Ash did was good enough for him. After everything they'd been through, after everything Ash had given him, Charizard was incorrigible.

 _You're wasting your time with that one. You should stick to that rat of yours — at least_ _ **he**_ _seems to follow your orders._

"If I'd used Pikachu — or _anyone_ else — we'd have won that, easy-peasy!" Neither Bulbasaur nor Squirtle would have let him down — _none_ of them would have. Why Charizard had to be the exception was baffling. Would keeping him as a charmander have maintained his complacency? Was this the price he had to pay for power? "If we can beat all of Kanto's gym leaders, we shouldn't lose to a— a _newbie!"_ Charizard screeched again; Ash puffed up, voice rising another pitch. "No, _you_ need to get your act together! _You're_ the one who's being so stubborn! _You're_ the reason we lost!"

Charizard loosed a dangerous, rumbling growl. " _Grrarrrr…. shut UP!"_ He reared up, flames licking his tongue, and Ash— Ash laughed wildly, throwing his head back and shoving his fingers into his hair as if trying to anchor himself.

"What, you gonna hurt me? _Again?"_ Helpless, Charizard flinched. Ash rubbed his shoulder, fingers gliding over scars Charizard couldn't see but knew were there, scars left by _him._ "You hear something you don't like and you hurt me! Don't listen to me, don't trust me, don't _like_ me… if you want to go, just say it! Maybe— maybe you'd listen to someone else! Maybe you'd be better off without me!"

The world _froze._ Charizard stared at Ash, blank and slack-jawed. " _You…"_ he began, staring into his trainer's unyielding eyes. " _Rrrrrrr… want— leave?"_

The ice melted; shame hit Ash like a freight train. As suddenly as he'd snapped, he stopped. He studied Charizard contemplatively — he looked more hesitant than his trainer could ever recall seeing him. Something cold and aching blossomed in Ash's chest, wriggling between his ribs and chasing the anger from his bones. Of _course_ he didn't want Charizard to leave; they'd been through too much together, seen too many things, shared too many memories.

"No, I don't want you to leave," he admitted. Heedless of the lizard's warning hiss, he stepped closer, palms upturned and open in surrender. Yes, Charizard was a recalcitrant ass, but he was _Ash's_ recalcitrant ass, and Ash had cared for him since he was a tiny charmander, still naive enough to believe his original trainer loved him.

Charizard still bore the mental cicatrices from that abandonment, as aloof as his facade was, and Ash knew it had been insensitive of him to exploit that, whether unthinkingly or not. He'd worked hard to establish a bond, as tentative as it was; he refused to discard it all in a single moment of frustration.

"But you need to start _listening_ to me," he continued. "Like I said, I'm not perfect, and sometimes I get things wrong… or call the wrong move… or try something stupid…" Charizard huffed. "Okay, _more_ than just sometimes. But that doesn't mean you've got to blame everything on me! I'm trying, and I'm getting better. If _you'd_ have just listened to me, we could've won that. You're way stronger than a nidorino, I know that."

Charizard groused noncommittally, but he (not-so-subtly) clung to Ash's words. "Just… gotta get it through that thick skull of yours."

" _Rrrrrrr… 'thick skull'. YOU have, mmrrrr, thick skull."_

"Yeah, 'n' it's a good job, too, else you'd've killed me months ago." It was a thoughtless statement, but Charizard looked strangely bothered by the concept of his trainer's mortality, as though his teeth and flames hadn't made a mess of Ash on countless occasions. "What? Always pushing me around… nearly took off my arm, almost forgot to catch me that one time…" It wasn't just one time, and they both knew it, but Ash was willing to summarise untold barely-successes for the sake of a point.

" _DID catch you."_ He always had; he always would. Ash's lips curved into the ghost of a smile. " _Maybe… rrrrr… fall less. Then I nearly-miss-you less."_

"Yeah, maybe." Ash laughed, but sobriety reclaimed him quickly. "... I know you don't hate me. You're strong, you can survive on your own. You'd leave if you wanted. Just… give me a chance, yeah? 'Wanna make you proud to call me your trainer."

" _Proud,"_ Charizard echoed. Ash nodded.

"Yeah, and it's kinda hard to do that if you won't work with me. But I'm proud of _you._ I know I don't say it enough, but I mean it. Even if you're stubborn, you've come a long way from when we first met. I'm really proud of you for that." He was quiet for a few seconds. "You're my best friend, y'know?"

Charizard jerked backwards, lashing his tail restlessly and mumbling something Ash couldn't understand. "What?" he asked; Charizard huffed and rolled his eyes.

" _Not BEST friend,"_ he said, and Ash softened.

"You are."

" _Am not. Just friend. Have… rrrrr… have Pikachu."_ Ash was by no means the most observant person alive, but the jealousy in Charizard's voice was palpable. Having to settle for second-best, as he probably saw it, was undoubtedly a tough pill to swallow for someone raised as a starter.

"Oh, Charizard," Ash murmured quietly, taking the pokémon's head in his arms and stroking the space between his eyes. "Forget that. What me and Pikachu have… it doesn't matter right now. That doesn't mean you aren't my best friend, or that I care about you less."

Charizard seemed unconvinced. " _Said I was selfish. Pikachu… mmfff… not selfish."_

"He used to be," Ash laughed, thumbing Charizard's brow. "Before you met him, he was _impossible."_ Even so, Ash sounded fond. Charizard, secretly, yearned for that fondness too. Did Ash speak of him like that when he wasn't around, or did he only spout insults? "But I… I didn't mean it. I was just angry. Yeah, you're stubborn, and you never listen when I need you to, but… that's just who you are. It's my job as your trainer to deal with that properly."

" _Said... Pikachu would, rrrrr, win fights. Would win_ _ **that**_ _fight. Said anyone would,"_ Charizard protested. " _Not me. Stubborn. Bad."_

"Not bad, no, don't say that!" Ash looked stricken. "Listen to me." He grabbed Charizard's muzzle with soft hands and forced their eyes to meet. "There are _no. Bad. Pokémon._ And even if there were, you wouldn't be one of them."

The boy slid his palms up to cup Charizard's cheeks. "I know you," he continued earnestly, "and you aren't bad. You never _could_ be bad. You're just… unruly. But that's okay — they used to call me that too." Before Charizard could think too deeply about that, Ash opened his mouth again. "That's not the point, anyway. The point is that I want us to work together. I'm not giving up on you, Charizard. Not now, not ever. I'm not letting you go unless it's _really_ what you want. And even then…"

Charizard didn't let him finish. " _Why?"_ he asked, sounding strangely plaintive.

"Because you're my friend! My _best_ friend. And because I love you." Charizard twitched, a muscle spasm that travelled from nose to tail, and Ash's palms grew clammy against his scales. "And I don't say that enough. I know your old trainer probably never said things like that, but he was _wrong_ about you. But I know you still believe him."

" _Don't."_

"You still think that strength is all that matters. That if you're powerful enough, then you'll be safe no matter what, and that your trainer needs to be super powerful too. And that's not true, so… so I'm just going to have to change your mind about you, and me, and… everything else."

" _Sap,"_ Charizard groused, but he released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and leaned into Ash's arms nonetheless. Slowly but surely, and entirely against his own will, a low, shaky purr began to reverberate throughout his entire body.

"Are you purring?" Ash asked, quiet and full of wonder. "You're purring."

" _Am not,"_ Charizard said, purring louder.

"Are too. I don't… you've never purred before."

" _Growling,"_ Charizard supplied. Ash shook his head.

"Purring," he asserted. "It's nice. You should do it more." He kept his thumbs moving in soft, soothing circles under Charizard's eyes. "You can trust me, Charizard. I mean it. I'm not going to leave you, even if you _are_ stubborn."

Charizard squeezed his eyes shut, feeling oddly vulnerable. " _Promise?"_

"Promise," Ash whispered.

It wasn't much — and a word was just a word. Ash promised to keep him close, just as others had promised to make him strong, and Charizard knew that _saying_ was never the same as _doing._ But Ash's grip on his head tightened until his fingertips felt like brands — permanent, burning, obdurate. Just like him. And maybe the future was precarious; maybe Charizard couldn't say what would come next.

But for now, he had Ash, and Ash had him, and maybe he could stand to work a little more cooperation into his personality.


End file.
